- Nationality: Belgian
- May 07, 2004
"A few words that I hope will help you. I'm 45, I've been smoking for 27 years, and in April 2004 I was smoking 50-60 cigarettes a day. I already tried to quit 5 times without success, and now I'm on my 6th attempt. What motivates me is a constant cough which even stops me from sleeping, having to stop 1 or 2 times in order to climb a flight of stairs, and a lung specialist who keeps saying, carry on like this, and you aren't going to be around for long. I have a little 2 year old boy, after we tried for 8 years and eventually underwent fertility treatment. During my wife's pregnancy I tried to quitbut failed miserably! Now I'm on my fifth day without cigarettes, and I'm struggling like you wouldn't believe. The first 2 days were fine but yesterday and today have been so, so hard, even with Zyban to help. How hard would it be without it? What helps me more than anything else is realizing that I was selfish for 27 years, that I've had a little boy I adore for 2 years and that the way I repay all the joy he brings me is by poisoning him with each puff of smoke I breathe out. What kind of a father am I? Yesterday morning, as I was about to crack, I came to this site and read the personal experience of a mother speaking on behalf of her premature baby who was in a critical condition. As I read on, I had a flashback to 2 years ago and realized that the little treasure we waited so long for arrived early with a weight of just over 5 pounds. I can't stop thinking that the reason for that might be his father who poisoned mother and baby, puff by puff. My fifth day is hard, I don't deny it, but I haven't smoked a cigarette. In a year I spend over 3,500 euros on cigarettes, not counting doctor's bills, throat lozenges, cough syrups and goodness knows what else, and my wife puts up with my smoking out of love for me. What kind of a person am I? I'm on my fifth day, I'm scared of cracking but I'm thinking about everything I've written and I'm determined to do this for my wife and son. I'm with all you who are ex-smokers or want to be ex-smokers, and my dream is to be able to prove that I'm a part of this family of ex-smokers. I believe that dreams can come true, and that the prizes we cherish the most are those which were the hardest to win. The best prize I could ever win would be to become an ex-smoker. Best wishes to all of you."