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Lisa (41 year) - February 28, 2001

"I quit smoking 8 years ago. I did it with the help of the patch. I lasted for 6 years. My 62 year old mother suffered for 2 and a half years from AML; a deadly form of leukemia which has been linked to smoking. Throughout her diagnosis; the everyday stress of switching off children with my sister to drive 75 miles into Boston, to be with her the entire visiting hours, and arriving home at 10:00 p.m....exhausted and sad. She died on 1/1 from an anurysm; low platelets due to the AML. I managed to get through it more often than not; never thought about smoking. Six months after she died; with a lot of family problems with siblings, I lost it and picked up a cig from a friend. The next day I bought a pack and have slowly worked my way up to what is now a pack a day. I quit for 6 weeks on 12/21 for my daughter's 7th bday; knowing I don't want to leave them "motherless". I literally worry everyday/night about getting lung cancer; I hate myself for smoking; and it is totally unacceptable in todays society. I pray for the strength to start again, but am afraid. I'll just lose it and go buy another pack, as I just recently did. I know all the benefits of quitting, and I know all the damage it does; it is a head trip for me; and I feel like I am the only one in the world who is as "addicted" as I. Can anyone relate?"

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